There seems to be an increase in the notion that the union of one man with one woman into which children are born and nurtured is simply an “ideal” and not fundamental to the definition of marriage. Proponents will be quick to point out that this ideal is readily and frequently ruined by divorce, infidelity, infertility, abuse and neglect.
These people are invariably discouraged and pessimistic, perhaps for many valid reasons. It is easy to fall into, especially if a marriage you have had has bottomed out, ended, or is fraught with resentments. Those of us in the field of marriage and family therapy see on a daily basis the realities of married life for so many of our neighbors. When we are most discouraged, we will tend to think of marriage of a man and woman and open to new life as an ideal to which many aspire but few obtain.
Our thinking gets clouded by all this, and when that happens, our wills, our choices, become undisciplined and then look out because our passions take over and we are a mess and life gets unbearable and we lose our way.
The reality is marriage is a union of one man with one woman which is by its very nature oriented to procreation. There is basic biology involve here. There is also the witness of countless generations of human beings. There is the witness of entire nations from the beginning of time. It is the foundation of our social fiber, our social being as individuals and as a community of humans. There is the witness of the Scriptures. There is the witness of Jesus himself. There is the witness of the tradition of the Judeo-Christian ethic. It is ingrained in our very human nature.
No civil court of law can competently render a decision that is in violation of human nature.
Now, those who would have that the heterosexual complementarity of marriage is only an ideal, or is only an incidental characteristic of marriage, and thus allow for same sex unions as marital, render a grave injustice to all of us. They may claim that the “right” of same sex couples to marry is a civil rights issue, but they are sorely mistaken. Not all relationships are the same. Not all relationships enjoy the same social protection and for good reasons.
The marital relationship is unique and foundational for the development of the human being and human society. One cannot say that a woman and her son can have a marital relationship, or a man and his son. The relationships of mother and son and father and son are unique too, but society offers them a different standing.
The same is true for same sex relationships. They cannot be, by their very nature, marital relationships anymore than any of the others mentioned above.
We must not be discouraged by recent events in California and elsewhere where the courts have ventured into areas into which they have no competency. Discouragement leads to clouded thinking and poor choices.
We must not let ourselves be deceived into thinking marriage as we know it is simply an ideal, or that the sexual complementarity of man and woman is merely incidental rather than definitional. This is foundational, radically important to all of us.
This is not a matter of being “tolerant”of differences. No one is required to tolerate something that is not good. Such “tolerance” is in fact permissiveness, which is a wholly different thing, and ultimately destructive.
